I recently relapsed.
A dumb boy hurt my feelings (or rather I let my feelings be hurt by what he did) and instead of brushing it off I got angry.
I’ve never, even at my most unfeeling times, been an angry person. I’ve been fortunate enough to understand that anger is a secondary emotion – a reaction to something deeper. But because I’m still working on understanding my own feelings (and I don’t really know what to do with them) the anger that sparked set a fire I didn’t know how to stop. No matter what I did I couldn’t seem to get the feelings to go away. I cried, I vented, I even broke pencils, but to no avail. Every time I thought about it the b**** would rear her angry head. I was miserable. I tried to rationalize with myself “He didn’t mean to, it’s a really small thing to be angry about, why are you being so irrational” but I couldn’t shut the feelings off. The anger was easier to handle than all the pain it was drudging up. Every insecurity I had kept surfacing. It was stupid. It was irrational. And I thought it was uncontrollable. Continue reading
On Purpose 